Last Updated: Monday, February 26 2007
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The recipe for a Coveside game this
year has been remarkably consistent. With only a few exceptions, the
mix has included between 12 and 15 players, a lack of overall team
fitness, and a group at the park who work as hard as they can to get
a result. But more importantly, the recipe has also included
fantastic food, drinks, and laughs post-game. This Sunday’s game with Norvan followed the same recipe, with the guys who made it to the game working hard and giving their all. Our efforts were just enough to get us a 1-1 tie, although we hear that may be enough to guarantee us a place in the provincials, given the league’s astonishingly stupid rule requiring a playoff between the 3rd place team in Div 1 and the 1st place team in Div 2 for a provincials place. (Note to the league: your constitution is not the U.S. constitution. No-one will revolt if you change a stupid rule. Change it.) The post-game food was provided by lanky streak of piss match reporter and chef Amar, whose outstanding curry drew rave reviews from all and numerous requests for Amar’s curry recipe. We hope he will post it at the end of the report. We, your match reporting team, then decided that Amar’s recipe should not stand alone, so we asked several other notable figures to provide their favorite recipe. We’ll share those with you during the report, beginning with Bernie’s recipe for Irish Breakfast Sangria. Bernie’s Irish Breakfast Sangria 1 litre Merlot, preferably from Bordeaux region 2 cups Sprite, preferably from Save-On Foods 1 Pint Guinness. Drink Pint of Guinness. Visit crapper. Come back and mix Merlot and Sprite together. But let’s set the scene for the match. We knew a loss would give second place to Norvan, and we weren’t really excited by that prospect. And by “we,” this means the guys who showed up from the game. We started with two injured central defenders, Dave H and Speerchucker, with injured Randy J on one side and injured Doc on the other. Richie and Cam anchored the center of midfield, with Roddy on the right and Amar on the left. Tim and Kevin started up front, and we had Harp, JC, Graham, and Ed coming off the bench. Brad headed up the coffee club, accompanied by a very grumpy Geezer. (4-3 Spurs.) Among the missing was Eamon, who, in spite of not being able to make it to the came, did send the recipe for his hair color. Recipe for Eamon’s Hair Color 1 cup Midnight Blue dye 1 cup concentrated Manliness ½ cup of Sweet Lovin’ 1 teaspoon of Heartbreak The first half was a hard-contested affair. Challenges were flying in the middle of the park, which was not a place for the faint of heart. Rich and Cam were more than holding their own, and Amar and Roddy were linking up well with them. At the back, we were playing a very solid game, in part because we were not yet tired. Norvan hardly had a sniff at goal in the first half. For our part, we had some good chances and several breakaways, but couldn’t put the ball in the net. First Tim broke clean through and was stopped by a good save. Then Kevin intercepted a loose back pass, but lost control rounding the keeper. He cut the ball back to our favorite wee man Roddy, but his shot was cleared off the line. We went into half time with a 0-0 tie but feeling we should have been ahead by at least a couple of goals. Bernie game his usual exceptional half-time talk: exceptional in that anything that actually made sense was the exception. His words seemed to somehow inspire us, though. Or at least they inspired kinky piece of steak midfielder Amar. Only a couple of minutes into the second half, lanky peak of stress midfielder Amar turned up field and played a defence-splitting ball to the surprised but streaking Tim. Tim collected well and clipped a sweet finish past the Norvan keeper for a 1-0 lead. Tim was so excited that he agreed to share his Burrito Juice recipe with us. Tim’s Burrito Juice Take one clean burrito. Spread the burrito out before you lay it down gently on a flat surface. Prepare your meat, gently pulling back any skin attached to the meat. Insert meat into burrito. This should cause the burrito to become juicy. Enjoy. We enjoyed some momentum after going up 1-0, and were knocking the ball around well and creating chances. But we couldn’t find that 2-0 goal, and as we grew tired, Norvan came more and more into the game. Norvan had a couple of good chances before the tying goal came in spite of a perfectly executed Doc offside trap. The recipe for that is below. Doc’s Offside Trap Position yourself at right back. When central defenders advance, ignore them and align with Randy J on far wing. When through ball played, step forward, raise arm, and send psychic signal to Randy J to step forward with you. Cloudy came out well but couldn’t prevent the Norvan forward from finding the net and it was 1-1. We were tiring even further, and the game soon became an all-out Norvan onslaught. We tried our best to get them the tying goal, with loose marking and mistakes leading to several excellent Norvan chances. But unlike last week, when three defensive mistakes led to three goals, this week about six defensive mistakes only led to one goal. It’s a funny old game, football. We hung on just enough for the final whistle to signal a 1-1 tie. If you’d just watched the second half, it looked like Norvan deserved better; but if we’d taken our chances in the first we could have been 3-0 up at the half. A draw was a reasonable result. It’s tough playing game in and game out with so few subs, and there’s not a few of us who are struggling with nagging injuries. And when you’re getting tired out there, mistakes will happen. So, congratulations to the lads who did come out today. If your neck muscles still work, hold your heads up high. The beers and laughs after the game were spicier than usual thanks to Amar’s curry. We also enjoyed watching Nordic’s undefeated season torn apart by a Freybe side who played well enough to earn a 4-0 victory. However, clearly Freybe’s promise to “deal internally” with meathead Flaimer didn’t hold much water, as he was back on the field against Nordic wearing a tight-fitting shirt that showed the scar where his heart has been removed. (His lobotomy scar was less visible). Someone later posted to our site claiming to be Flaimer, and we are assuming it was just some moron trying to stir up trouble. If it was actually Flaimer, then he’s an embarrassment to his team, this league, and humanity in general. Although I think there are some folks in the psychology department who’d like to examine his brain. We were grateful, however, to douchebag Flaimer for sharing his favorite recipe with us: scrambled eggs. (Thanks to Brad for the concept). Flaimer’s Scrambled Eggs Take three eggs. Place them on a countertop. Jump into the eggs from behind and beat them until they are left broken and oozing yolk on the counter. Walk away without acknowledging eggs. See you at practice or at Lynn Valley next weekend.
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