Last Updated: Saturday, 3 April 2006
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“When Alexander
saw the breadth of his domain, he wept for there were no more worlds
to conquer…” According to extremely reliable sources (especially Hans Gruber, who quoted Alexander the Great in Die Hard), when Alexander realized that he had conquered the known world and there was nothing left to do, he wept. Our own Bernie Ward is very similar to Alexander the Great, albeit Bernie’s physical fitness is perhaps not as good and as far as we know Bernie doesn’t fancy blokes. And on April 2, 2006, after Bernie’s all-conquering Coveside team defeated Norvan 3-1 to complete the historic 2006 treble (which had never been completed since the previous year) of NCSL champs, Kilby Cup Champs, and League Cup Champs, one would imagine that Bernie, too, wept, for there were no North Shore cups left to win in this fantastically successful Coveside season. And speaking of Bernie the Great, he was determined to make sure that none of his players would miss out on the game because they forgot to set their clocks forward, so the night before the game he sat down with the phone in one hand and a pint glass of merlot and sprite in the other and called the entire team, one by one. His calls bore fruit, as to the entire team’s shock Fergie was on time. Fergie anchored the center of defense beside Dave H, with Martine on one side and Randy Ash on the other (it’s so good to have our full Randy contingent back on the field) and Cloudy manning the nets. Cam and Rich struck up their familiar partnership in the center of midfield, with Brad on the left wing and Roddy on the right. Mike and Eamon started together up front, and when they stood beside each other at the kick off, they looked like the number ‘10’. We had a strong contingent of subs, with Randy J, Tim, Craig, Amar, Rob Paul, and Gord Helsinki (that’s his married name: congrats, Gordo!) coming off the bench. Our beloved coffee club was there yet again to offer their unqualified support, headed up by Sharon and her husband. Things were a little shaky in the opening minutes of the game. With only one practice in the past two weeks, and with only ten players at that practice, we’ve lost a bit of sharpness that we will have to recover in time for the provincials. We weren’t playing terribly, but we were just a little slow to the ball, a little off on decision-making, and a little off on our touches and our marking. Norvan weren’t much sharper, however, and the opening minutes didn’t see many clear openings. The first chance came our way, when a lovely through ball from Eamon saw our Greatest American Hero Mike saying “Look at what’s happened to me” as he was released on a breakaway on the keeper. But the keeper made a fine save (I couldn’t believe it myself) to keep the score 0-0. But just a few minutes later, Mike was suddenly on top of the world as he powered a left-footed drive past the keeper (who was saying he should have been somebody else) for a 1-0 lead. Believe it or not (OK, that’s enough of that) there’s not a heck of a lot more to report from the first half. We kept things tight at the back and Cloudy had little to do. And although we had a few shots here and there we didn’t create much either. We went into half time with a 1-0 lead. Bernie, apparently drawing on Alexander the Great once again for inspiration, gave a stirring half-time speech that stressed a few important issues: keeping possession; getting the next goal; and using highly mobile light infantry and cavalry troops in support of units of pikemen. His speech was so impressive that one of the Norvan players felt compelled to get that next goal for us. The manner in which he got it was both unusual and impressive: those of us who witnessed it had never seen an own goal quite like it. A defensive mix-up between a Norvan defender and their keeper left Roddy with the ball on the goal line in the six yard box. He tried to chip the ball into the middle of the box but the chip was blocked. The ball came loose into the area, where the aforementioned Norvan player saw his chance and blasted the ball at approximately Mach 2 into the side netting. Of his own net. It was one of the purest strikes any of us have seen all year, and it made it 2-0 Coveside. The unfortunate OG scorer promptly fell to the turf and put his head in his hands. The ever-considerate Roddy, jogging by on his way back up the pitch, tried to console his opponent by saying “Hey, you’ve got a great shot.” At 2-0 we knew that the next goal would be huge. 3-0 would give us full control of the game; 2-1 would let them back into it. Thankfully, the next chance fell to Craig, who has recently returned to the fold from his exile somewhere near Merritt. A cross-field ball found him about 25 yards out directly in line with the left goal post, and not much looked on. But he took the pass first time on his right foot, and curled a terrific shot towards the bottom corner. The desperate lunge of the keeper came up just short and it was 3-0 Coveside. We got these two goals quite early in the half, and there was still lots of time left (probably at least half an hour). We continued to control the play, and had an excellent chance to put the game to bed when a rebound fell to Rob Paul on the penalty spot. But a fine save from the keeper kept the score 3-0. Right after that, we relaxed our play a bit and Norvan raised theirs. They started to take the play to us and held a territorial advantage for a while, and forced Cloudy to make an excellent save off a corner kick when he tipped a header just over the bar. But we were holding firm at the back, and for the most part, the chances Norvan were creating were half-chances or long shots. When they did get openings, some excellent last-ditch tackles were keeping them out: a Randy Ash special prevented them from getting their best chance of the half, as those brontosaurus-like calves took out the ball and a Norvan attacker before he could pull the trigger in the penalty box. However, a bit of bad luck and some sloppy play led to Norvan getting on the score sheet. A giveaway on a Coveside breakout led to Norvan gaining possession with us trying to move up the field. An attempted chip through was partially blocked, but the ball spun in the air and landed directly between an advancing Cloudy and a retreating Fergie (incidentally, Advancing Cloudy, Retreating Fergie is the name of the sequel to Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and one of the positions in the gay Kama Sutra). A Norvan forward stuck his toe in and was a bit lucky to poke the ball exactly past Cloudy into the corner of the net. 3-1 Coveside, and the earlier save from Cloudy was now looking extremely important. Could Coveside hold on? Since I’ve already indicated that we win 3-1, so this is obviously a rhetorical question, which, for those of you who were victims of public education in B.C., is a question asked for a purpose other than to obtain the information the question asks. Other examples are: “Bernie, how did Celtic do today?” (just after they’ve lost to Clyde); “Gord, have people stopped you on the street and said they love you on American Idol?” and “Just who is Harp Dhaliwal?” We were a little shaky after the 3-1 goal, but we didn’t make any other mistakes at the back and Norvan couldn’t get any more bounces. And although they kept pressing to the end, they couldn’t get any closer. 3-1 was the final score in a game where we weren’t at our best, but we were definitely the better side. But we will need to be a lot sharper if we hope to win a game or to in the provincials, so let’s hope we see more guys getting out practicing in the next 3-4 weeks before our first game. The final whistle also signaled the time for the trophy ceremony for this NSCL season. Congrats to Mr. Geragosian from Blueridge for his topping the Div 2 scoring standings, and to Blueridge’s coach for misspelling a total of four letters in Mr. Geragosian’s name on the trophy. Well done to Lynn Valley for winning Div 2 and to the Guardians, a fine bunch of lads, for their sportsmanship trophy. And speaking of sportsmanship, well done to the Nordic lads for not coming within 50 feet of the trophy presentation. But more importantly for us, congrats to our charismatic and generous sponsor Mike Browne for winning the Golden Boot, and to all of us for the fantastic treble: Coveside FC: 2006 North Shore Coaches’ League Champions Coveside FC: 2006 Kilby Cup Champions Coveside FC: 2006 League Cup Champions Let’s all sing together, to the tune of “She’ll be Coming ‘Round the Mountain:” Have U Ever Won The Treble? Have U F*ck! Have U Ever Won The Treble? Have U F*ck! Have U Ever Won The Treble? Ever Won the Treble? Ever Won The Treble? Have U F*ck! Great season, lads! |
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