A cold wet McCartney Park was the venue for a veritable Clash of The Titans as Coveside FC put their 4 game winning streak on the line against a Malones team struggling to find consistency.

Despite the horrid conditions, 20 (yes that's twenty) players turned up to challenge Bernie's counting abilities. Missing in action included Harp, Cloudy, Vinnie, Ken Eadie, and PK. Welcomed back was Gino (pictured right) who's eyes had sufficiently recovered for him to sell his red Miata (we hope) and to head the ball again (stop laughing all of you). Coveside also welcomed new boy, Mike Brown (without the E).

With both starting keepers missing, Richie Hawes bravely stepped forward to put on the girly shirt and gloves and stand between the pipes. Fergie and Dave Hannah were gayly the filling in a Randy (Johal and Ash) sandwich, and the defence had a familiarity and stability about it.

The mobile midfield of Cam, Martin, Mike Browne and Roddy Carl was able to provide both width and support to the starting strike force of Eamos Ward and Gino. The subs included Andy, Rob P, Dave Speers, Mike (No "E") Brown, Ed, Amar, Brad, and some other person (sorry!).

Unlike some recent outings Coveside came out of the gate with speed and effort. The passing was crisp and precise, the running both on and off the ball was hard. Roddy and Randy Johal in particular were making great runs down the wings and crossing inviting balls for both the attackers and supporting midfielders.

The Malones lads are a hard working and competitive squad. The challenges were flying in thick and fast but everything was played in a good and fair spirit until an over the ball challenge by Eamos provoked a Calibos moment by the Malonian (pictured left)

With the 'roids kicking in, the same Malonian was, moments later, found guilty of a foul in the penalty box and the referee had no hesitation in pointing to the spot.

While Richie Hawes was making a hopeful case to take the penalty kick (to howls of laughter from the sidelines) Eamos stepped up to bury the ball past the keeper 1-0 Coveside!

What was possibly Coveside's best half of the season got even better as a through ball found Eamos on the 18 yard line. Confronted by a Malone's player who had his legs open wider than Graham at the Queen's Cross on any Wednesday night.... he performed the perfect nutmeg before calmly burying the ball past the Malones keeper. 2-0 Coveside.

The coffee club, unfairly amused themselves at Brad's expense. After hearing Brad comment about the lack of effort around him, the boffins in the coffee club conjectured that Brad must be operating in a warp in the space time continuum (which can be caused by bodies of considerable mass or those with large jubblies) that made it appear to him that he was running must faster and harder than people around him. E=MC². QED. SSDD.    

At this time a bemused and bemusing Ken Eadie turned up looking for a credit card (any credit card) in order to find a number to call to tell his provider that his card had been lost last night while he was dressed up as a Katoey¹ at a Halloween party. Someone kindly offered Ken a chair, wrapped him up in a blanket, and brought him a cup of tea.

As the whistle blew for half-time the lads walked off the field full of confidence and very good value for their 2 goal lead. During the half-time melee Richie and Dave Speers decided to exchange goalie duties for the second half.

Sometimes you know things are going to go bad. Like Doc going for a dump but not having a sock to hand, or Harp getting ready for a soccer game but finding he has no product for his hair, or Bernie putting out nine players to start the second half and then giving everyone shit for pointing out this mathematical error. 

With Coveside coming out flatter than the cushions on Bernie's sofa after a late nite tryst with Vanessa, Malone's dominated most of the play in the second half.

Unable to take control of the play Coveside were restricted to a counter attacking game which did see some great chances. A great overlapping run and cross by Randy J was met first time by Eamos Ward but the ball struck both the cross bar and post before clearing to safety. Moments later Cam delivered the perfect ball to Mike Browne who scampered through the Malones back four only to be cynically brought down by the despairing keeper. The referee had no hesitation in awarding a red card to the goalie as he was the last man and stopped a clear chance on goal. Well actually, that's what should have happened but instead the referee incredibly left the goalie on the pitch and awarded a free kick to Coveside.

Despite these few highlights (special mention should also be made of Martin who played a complete blinder), Coveside were second best in all the areas that mattered like running, tackling, poncing, etc. and the Malones pressure was building.

Not quite sure who actually scored the goal for Malones but two of his teammates attempted to remove his clothes and copulate with him right then and there. I'm thinking it's a French thing, very strange. 2-1 Coveside!

The Malones lads had certainly upped the tempo and Coveside were struggling to stem the tide. A rare mistimed tackle by Fergie saw a clear one-on-one and only an extraordinary save by Speers kept the lead intact. Nice work fella!

Shortly afterwards another scramble in the Coveside goalmouth saw the ball bundled into the back of the net. In this case, however, the referee disallowed the goal for offside. The consensus after the game was that the ball was going to cross the line anyway and if the last Malones player had not booted it in it would have been a fair goal. Nice work fella!

This was pretty much the last notable event of the game and while both teams played hard to the end no further chances were created and Coveside were able to hold on to an important victory. Coveside 2-1 final!

The beers and laughs were as good as always, in this case made even better by a hot shower and heated room.

On a complete unrelated note the following quote from the Guardian made me chuckle. For some reason the image of a nine year old geezer flashed through my mind...

"I was at the match with my brother and Everton weren't playing well. I said they were rubbish and my brother's mate said I couldn't do any better. I said I could and he said he would give me £20 if I was better. I know now it was wrong what I did but I just wanted to show him what I could do. I'll never do anything like that again" - nine-year-old Pitch invader  Richard Dunn reveals why he ran onto the Goodison Park sward to tackle Franck Queudrue - even though the ball was nowhere near the Frenchman.

¹ A Lady Boy common in Thailand.